They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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