I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
