Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
