Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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