dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
