based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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