I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Randomize
