Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
