I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
