Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
