I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
