that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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