My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
