Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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