so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think I sprained my soul last night
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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