Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
