my phone needs a breathalizer
she peed on how many people?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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