i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So much Jack, so little girl.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize