I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
