I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
