I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
