If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
where are my eyebrows?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize