I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I love you. Go after that dick
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize