It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
