Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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