wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
