i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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