Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
