so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
