on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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