TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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