gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
