I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
