btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
