Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
