Already got asked if we're dating
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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