he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
