I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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