he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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