If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
