I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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