I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
