it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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