my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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