Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
