i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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