Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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