Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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