Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
