I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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