Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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