Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
