I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
