Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
