Kiss
Puke
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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