Me too!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
