Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize