last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
