so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
