JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
