I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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