i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
