theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
