dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
