I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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