I got chris browned last night
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
