Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
