My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
