Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
