I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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