You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
