First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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