Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
