bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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