my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
