i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
