Porn is love you can see.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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