I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
