If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
